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Am I about to talk about my vagina on a blog? Yes, yes I am. I think we should talk more about vaginas, because mine is starting to feel a bit like public property. As in, “Mind if I take a look in your vagina?” “Sure! Everyone else has!”

When I went to get my “ping” test the guy made my vagina feel like a bit of a freak. But today my (female) doctor said my vagina is a perfectly normal vagina, maybe with a few idiosyncracies, but still, perfectly normal all the same and more than capable of having a catheter and balloon shoved into it.

I’ve already grown tired of various and sundry doctors peering into my love hole. But when they do stare into it, I’d at least like them to remember that there is a person attached to it. That’s all.

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Cassadega

 

Cassadega is a small Florida town located at coordinates 28° 57′ 59″ N, 81° 14′ 9″ W. I know this because the unincorporated town did not register on the GPS and my partner, a lifetime boy scout, found the coordinates online. We typed it into the GPS and it surprisingly (or magically?) took us there.  

This is a town around a bend-you enter and leave it within seconds. It has one restaurant that donates all its proceeds to charity. After eating lunch there we went to the bookstore/visitors center to get our bearings. We purchased some cards, candles, fertility goddesses, and inquired about psychic readings. They pointed us to a white board in the back of the room where available mediums listed their phone numbers. We made some calls and ended up going to first person who answered the phone: Hazel. 

While rubbing my ring in her oiled hands Hazel communicated with my grandmother, told me things about my partner that I did not tell her, told me things about myself I already knew, told me things about myself that were way off, and things I didn’t know. According to her I will have one little girl and another child of unknown gender. “But no more” she fervently exclaimed. “Are you sure?” I anxiously asked. “Why do you want to complicate your life, honey?” she answered. My heart sunk into my ankles for a minute until I realized that I should be grateful she is seeing anything. Some days I can barely get past the uncertainty that thinking about decorating a nursery, baby names, and stretch marks feel like a pipe dream.

Overall it was a day full of sunshine, spiritual blessings, and refreshing creative energy topped off with a Reeces Peanut Butter Cup sunday at Friendly’s. 

Fertility Goddess                                                 Fertility Goddess

What can I say after our very first “V list” outing but that I can already tell going down this list is going to be a bright spot in my black abyss.

What better way to take a girl’s mind off her barren uterus then a trip to a spiritualist camp in the middle of rural Florida?

I was upset that the physchic only “felt” one child coming from me (though I guess one is better than nothing!) And the more I think about what she said, the more I have to wonder if even that one is coming.

What she said (after she came out of the spirit world for a moment to answer her phone and make plans with her daughter) was “I definately feel one strong willed little spirit around you that has A LOT of energy.”

My first thought was, “You know, I think you might be feeling my dog.”

I suppose only time will tell. I’m going to look at my calendar now to see when we can go ride some rollercoasters. We should take a picture next to the “No pregnant women” sign they have posted before you get in line. Oooh maybe we can make it into a t-shirt?

P.S. Peggy the fertiity goddess is stil snuggled happily in my purse.

1. Dye hair

2. Paint or stain a piece of furniture

3. Eat shellfish

4. Create secret handshake

5. Go horseback riding

6. Drink Caffeine

7. Soak in hot tub

8. Eat cold cuts

9. Clean litter boxes (at local animal shelter)

10. Ride mechanical bull

11. Ride roller coasters

12. Smoke something

13. Eat sushi

14. Visit Ripley’s Believe it or Not Fertility Statue*

15. Dog Park*

16. Visit Cassadaga and see psychic* 

17. Kanapaha Botanical Gardens*

18. Harn Art Museum*

19. Dali Museum*

20. Ikea*

21. Garage Sale-ing*

22. Sling Shot

23. Plant Herb Garden*

24. Skydive

25. Join a Band

26. Roller Skating

27. Parasailing

28. Line Dancing

29. Drink Alcohol

* Includes liquid/European lunches to make activity V-List friendly