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Happy National Infertility Awareness Week!

Yes, I said happy.

Happy because this year, in honor of this holiday, we enjoyed a not-pregnant picnic of sushi, cookie dough, lunch meat, soft cheese, wine, tuna salad and caffeinated beverages. You would think we would feel sick after eating such a buffet but we felt… great.

Last year, in celebration of National Infertility Awareness Week, we jumped 13,000 feet form the air with a Bud Light (oh, and a parachute). That was the beginning of a year of many leaps and bounds. Today we decided to try something new – to stay as close to the ground as possible.

It is easy to say that infertility sucks. Our family finding stories are what everyone with fertility challenges fears the most – IVF not working (this happened to me. Twice) or an adoption falling through (cue Stephanie). But this week is not about what we don’t have but rather what we do have. From where we’re sitting, we see now that all of the pain – the ugly, desperate sorrow – prepares our hearts to feel an even deeper joy. This raw joy is a lot like raw chocolate chip cookie dough. It is seen as being risky to eat and bad for you but it tastes like home.


“He who has not looked on Sorrow will never see Joy.”
Kahlil Gibran

I’m waiting to go back to Russia. You think I’d be very used to waiting by now. But it still takes practice to live in this moment, the only possible moment that holds happiness.

So I decided to plant some herbs and flowers, breathe some life back into my yard. After our colder than usual Florida winter it was looking a little desperate back there.

I planted phlox and lemon balm and moss rose and gerbera daisies and lavender and sweet basil; all plants that can supposedly survive anything. Danny and I even planted a Magnolia tree. I thought I was quenching a thirst to watch something grow. But when I thought about it, I’ve been watching something grow all this time. Me.

I no longer think of my situation as having pent up love to give. I give that love to myself, and my husband and my friends. I’m even giving it to my garden now.

This way, when I become a mom, I’ll be very practiced at giving love, not holding it back.

Flickr Photos

“V” is for….

Vomit, Vagina, Valiant, Vida, Vitality, Velour, Vitro, IVF, Vengeance, Valium, Vespa, Venture, Visa, Venus, Voluptuous, Volume, Vanilla Ice, Vital, Vacation, Vendetta, Vino, Vache (cow in French), Victory, Very bitter, Virility, Vive, Vivacious, Vibrant...
April 2010
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