I’m waiting to go back to Russia. You think I’d be very used to waiting by now. But it still takes practice to live in this moment, the only possible moment that holds happiness.

So I decided to plant some herbs and flowers, breathe some life back into my yard. After our colder than usual Florida winter it was looking a little desperate back there.

I planted phlox and lemon balm and moss rose and gerbera daisies and lavender and sweet basil; all plants that can supposedly survive anything. Danny and I even planted a Magnolia tree. I thought I was quenching a thirst to watch something grow. But when I thought about it, I’ve been watching something grow all this time. Me.

I no longer think of my situation as having pent up love to give. I give that love to myself, and my husband and my friends. I’m even giving it to my garden now.

This way, when I become a mom, I’ll be very practiced at giving love, not holding it back.